I first penned my twist on this classic carol a few years back. In the years since I have found a way to make our Elf work for me, not cause me more work.

That, however, is a tale for tomorrow. Tonight, please join me in a reprise of Deck the Elves. 

Deck the Halls with fecking elves!

Who has all this time? Pinterest the Elf.

I’m so sick of these impish stares –

How many days of “glee,” Elf on the Shelf?

Why did we buy into this gnome?

Just get the feck out, Elf on the Shelf!

If only they just moved themselves

Then I could forget Elf on the Shelf

Wait – it’s only real when all alone?

We Whovians call those “Weeping Angels”!