Deck The Elves!!

Deck the Halls with fecking elves Who has all this time? Pinterest the Elf. I’m so sick of these impish stares – How many days of “glee”, Elf on the Shelf? Why did we buy into this gnome? Just get the feck out! Elf on the Shelf! If only they just moved themselves Then I…

Is It Bathtime? (*Frère Jacques)

Is it bath time Yes! It’s bathtime! Don’t you run! It WILL be fun! Won’t you please get naked? Come, it’s time to get wet! It will be fun! In the tub! Time to wash you, time to scrub you! Up and down, all around. The soap won’t get in your eyes If you tilt…

Sweet Baby Jeebus! – What was that sound?!

Sweet Baby Jeebus! – What was that sound?! They climbed up the bookcase!?? Books tossed onto the ground! Tore all the pages, scattered pieces wide… Mess well made, kids. Hope you’re satisfied. Why must you climb like a monkey up a tree? And ruin things so precious to me? There’s no more tucking nice things…

How to get Five Minutes of Peace

All I wanted to have was 5 minutes of peace. I figured I’d run out to the laundry room & empty the dryers quickly & more importantly, ALONE. As I’m getting the laundry out of the dryer. Girl pops her head around the corner & asks to help. Ok, fine… Thank you.   Then Boy…

*POP* Goes the Mom Brain!

All around in Toddlerville This mommy chases children! One by one they pluck her nerves *POP* Goes the mom brain! Now they’re jumping on the bed – And now they’re on the sofa! Then when she screams: “Just knock it off!” *BOUNCE* Onto mommy! A big cup for her coffee! One bigger for her vino!!…