Chaos. There’s a theory about that, you know. 

My phone buzzed with the news alert at the same time the elevator doors opened. 

I shooed my FrankenZombie and Elena of Avalor inside, waited to see which one would win the scramble to push the button, then pulled out my phone. 

A pickup truck had run over people in a bike lane downtown. Possible shots. 

Please, no children. 

I live in NYC and THAT was my only thought. I’ve gotten over being shocked by it all. 

In my gut I knew what I’ve known, every time, since a second airplane flew into a tower 16 years ago: Of course this was deliberate. 

I walked around the east side of Manhattan, letting my kids decipher a map of places to go trick-or-treat. I focused on creepy makeup and colorful costumes, giggles and squeals, the warm smiles and sparking eyes of adults who still love Halloween. 

I ignored my phone. 

We rejoiced in the terrors of a mechanical jumping spider, rather than worrying about what some big bad lone wolf had done just a few miles away, or why. 

Washing all the glitter and grease pant off my babes in the bath later, I felt relief. I’d heard New Yorkers were still heading to a well protected parade of Halloween spirit.

#NewYorkStrong? #NewYorkResilience.

I silently hoped my children would grow to be as resilient. It has never crossed my mind  they won’t need to be. Still, I prayed their worst dreams would be about imaginary creepy crawlers.

I knew my dreams would involve the horrors of real life: a pick-up truck deliberately careening into a school bus. 

Not that I could sleep so easily. 

My brain churrened with images from Toy Story of Terror and terror attacks, as unsettled as the red sauce, fun-sized chocolate, and boxed wine spinning in my stomach. 

I distracted myself by binge watching BBCA’s Dirk Gentry’s Holostic Dective Agency. 

Loosely based on a character created by one of my very favorite authors, Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently is a “holistic detective” who goes bumbling about connecting things that seem utterly random in a vague effort to solve a case. Then, rather like a constellation, these unseen dots suddenly illuminate a grand design. 

Brilliant. 

Everything is connected.